I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
