Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
