i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
