New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
