If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
