Say something about gay babies.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
