Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize