Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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