Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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