We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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