I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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