So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
