Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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