I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wear drunk well.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
