Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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