just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
