college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
