Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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