Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
