i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
