i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
