if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
