my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
