Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
