my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
