So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
