the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
