Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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