I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
