I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
