i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
