I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
