Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
