Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?