I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.