i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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