Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The air was thick with penises
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize