Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
