billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
