i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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