I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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