So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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