If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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