Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
