I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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