I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
