i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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