I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
