3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
