STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
