Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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