Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
