K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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