i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
