Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
