So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
