Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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