Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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