loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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