he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
whose parrot is this?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
