My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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