tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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